sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
