wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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