My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
