So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have already put on my inside pants.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
