did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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