Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
