You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
