She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
