so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
