there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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