I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
