I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
