i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
