i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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