five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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