Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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