Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
