SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
