I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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