He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
