If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
