I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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