i think my tv is drunk
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
