I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
