Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
