My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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