My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
