so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
