A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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