im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
