You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
