maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
