yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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