I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
