Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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