He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
