Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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