Porn is love you can see.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
