she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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