Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
