Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
