I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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