So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
