I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
