I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
