I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
