Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
