I'm jealous of your bromance
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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