So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
