i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
